Channeling Grief

Observing my two teenage daughters in the wake of their father’s untimely passing, I have slowly absorbed a very powerful lesson about grief. Knowing about our profound loss, the first question I get from almost everyone in my universe is about how my girls are doing. Though my answer inevitably varies based on the season and current events, I have been struck time and again by the way that grief has helped them to grow. In particular, through time, I have seen both my daughters channel the pain and intensity of their grief into something exquisitely beautiful, using it as a way to help others and even soothe their own wounds. Given the choice, no one in our family would exchange time with their father for this maturation. Still, as anyone who has experienced a loss knows, in the game of life, no one gets to trade in the hand they have been dealt for a better one.  

Considering how my girls have used their affliction to help others, a famous quote comes to mind: “Grief is just love with no place to go”. These words, attributed to the author Jamie Anderson, have helped me to make sense of this dynamic. In many ways, my girls’ suffering has resulted in a directionless love. As my daughters can no longer share their love with their father in this lifetime, they have found a way to transmit and transform their emotions. Whether it be volunteering for hospice, reaching out to those who have lost a loved one, or simply helping others understand what it is like to lose a parent at a young age, my daughters have inspired me with their sublime sensitivity and kindness. Though I have been blown away by their actions and authenticity over and over, I also know that their father would be incredibly proud of them and how they have redirected their heartache toward the greater good. My hope is that everyone who loses a loved one can find a way to begin healing themselves and their world.