Wearing Grief Well

Given this summer's scorching temperatures, it is not surprising that I found myself pondering the benefits of breathable fabrics these past months. Though cotton, viscose, and bamboo offer pros and cons, linen’s highly breathable and moisture-wicking properties make it ideal for hot, humid environments. Considering fabric choice on a hot day makes sense, but my brain led me down a more tangential path; it dawned on me that linen's properties align with the experience of grief.

After losing my spouse, if I managed to sleep, I recall waking up drenched. I could not understand why I was so overheated. Was it a traumatic response to my sudden loss? Did the stress of grief trigger perimenopause? Either way, my loss seemed to correspond with a midlife hormonal shift, and its requisite hot flashes. Still, as I allowed myself to truly feel my sadness, I found emotional relief, even if only for brief periods of time. Just as linen wicks away moisture from our over-heated skin, so too does feeling grief allow us to cope with the intense pain of loss. Using breathwork and yoga to find some inner calm reminds me of how linen helps the body breathe and find a sense of ease. 

Considering grief's trajectory five years out from my loss, I am reminded of the texture of a new linen piece. Though it may start out rough and stiff, through time and wear, linen can soften and become more comfortable. Like mourners who must adjust to the pain of loss, we learn to live with it and can even find a softness where we once only felt anguish. Along these lines, given linen’s strength and resilience, I see parallels with how loss shifts who we are through time. With grief, we learn about our ability to persevere and find an inner strength as we grow through loss. Though linen may wrinkle, it does not diminish the fabric’s strength and other enduring properties. Just as we learn to tolerate the imperfection of the fabric, we can also adapt to the challenges of loss and see the beauty in life's imperfections. It is my sincere hope that all mourners may find solace and, through time, learn to wear it well.