Let It Rain

As I sit inside watching raindrops steadily fall on my deck, the adage “April showers bring May flowers” crosses my mind on repeat. Though spring rains may feel like a soggy inconvenience, this saying helps us tolerate dreary days while waiting for the reward of beautiful blooms. It also occurs to me that this idea is a good metaphor for coping with grief. We know that water is a source of growth, providing conditions where flowers can bloom. In the same vein, the symbolism and positive attributes of water remind me of the benefits of shedding tears. After all, tears are our human irrigation system, providing a multitude of benefits. 

Despite the release of Marlo Thomas’s Free to Be…You and Me, like many in my generation, I grew up with the implicit message that crying was to be avoided. I learned from those around me that I should try and hide my tears or risk being seen as overly emotional and weak. As an adult, even though I worked in the field of mental health, I carried these messages with me on an unconscious level. Still, when my husband died in the early part of the pandemic, I could no longer avoid my tears. For an entire year, I cried on a daily basis. Attending my spousal loss support group helped me start to question my views on shedding tears as I listened to even the most stoic people describe their inability to avoid bouts of crying. My therapist also helped me to think differently about my release of emotions, asking why I was so resistant to crying and helping me view my emotional expression as healthy and beneficial for my healing.

According to a 2023 MedicalNewsToday article, crying offers many benefits. Summarizing several research papers, they cite the scientifically documented usefulness of tears, including: having a soothing effect, helping us get support from others, relieving pain, enhancing our mood, releasing toxins and stress, and aiding in sleep. Though it took a profound loss for me to finally shift my own internal dialogue about crying, I now know that - just like the spring rains - the water we produce can bring growth and beauty to our lives.