Giving Season

December marks a period of excess in many of our lives. From social obligations to gift giving and from feasts of plenty to extra time spent with friends and family, it can be exhausting on many levels. While the goal is to celebrate the season, observe religious rituals, and enjoy time with loved ones, it is easy to ignore our own internal signals that suggest a break may be in order. Unfortunately, the season of lights loses a bit of its gleam if we fail to honor our need for self-care.

The obvious antidote to overindulgence is to tune in more carefully to our inner voice. As we begin to listen to ourselves, we can be attentive to our needs and genuine desires through honest self-assessment. Once we establish a baseline awareness, we must try to set boundaries that honor ourselves while still expressing our love and appreciation for others.

For those who are newly grieving or experiencing other strife, it is particularly imperative to set these boundaries. I often hear stories from the bereaved of would-be-supporters that mistakenly think they know what is best for them. Indeed, people may advise you on how they think you should behave, suggest that perhaps you have been mourning for “too long,” or insist that socializing is just the antidote to your troubles. This advice can come from a loving place, but may not feel healing or authentic to you. If you are in turmoil, it is best to be honest about your needs and follow your own path. 

When my husband died suddenly in late August of 2020, the pandemic created a figurative and literal bubble around my daughters and me during the holiday season. While I would not choose or recommend such a rigid boundary for most people experiencing grief, I believe the forced isolation had some surprising benefits. We were certainly alone more than any of us wanted. Yet we also had the chance to slow down our normally hectic lives, as well as the freedom to express our grief in our own way without the scrutiny of others.

This season of giving, perhaps you can also gift yourself the ultimate present by listening to and honoring your own quiet inner voice. You deserve it.