Love with No Home

As we approach Valentine’s Day this year, the quote “Grief is just love with no place to go” - stated so eloquently by Jamie Anderson - has been on my mind. To me, it is a succinct and honest way of understanding the heartache of loss. When we lose a beloved person, we inevitably feel an emotional chasm and wonder if and how we can ever fill that void. Though our love for a specific person is never replaced or substituted, I believe that our pain may be assuaged through time by seeking ways to connect with others and finding new purpose and meaning in our lives. 

In grief, the way each of us finds healing and peace varies; however, by speaking with others who have experienced profound bereavement, I have seen certain patterns emerge. Many find that talking with a therapist helps process the lost love, allowing us to deal with the intense emotions and examine the upheaval in our lives. Others may benefit from joining a support group; a place where one can build connections and feel seen in our pain. Many grievers also find healing through channeling their pain into artistic expression, spiritual practice, memorials for the departed, or acts of service. 

Personally, though I have walked all these paths, helping others has been especially gratifying. By sharing nurturance with those in early grief, I believe I have redirected my love to people when they need it most. Reaching out to the newly bereaved via hospice also provides a space to talk about grief openly, a rare occurrence in our society. Channeling our pain for the good of others is also something I have observed with my own daughters, with each of them living in a way that would make their late father proud.

And finally, we often forget that the directionless love of grief may be best served by guiding it back to ourselves. The act of self-love is a beautiful way to honor your pain and offer the self-nurturance we need for healing and solace. If you are in grief or other intense pain, I hope you will refill and renew yourself through the gift of self-love that each of us needs and deserves.