The Darkest Interval

“It won’t always feel like this” my younger daughter said to me after her father's unexpected death in August 2020. Though only eleven at the time, she somehow knew that our grief would shift and morph in the following years. Working through her own dense array of feelings in high school, my daughter also discovered a book which offers profound insight on loss and its life-altering sequelae: The Dark Interval - Letters on Loss, Grief and Transformation. A collection of correspondence written by Austrian poet and novelist Rainer Maria Rilke and translated by Ulrich Baer, it offers an intimate look at Rilke’s thoughts, condolences, and musings on loss and death. Taking my daughter’s sage advice, I recently read the book in full, culling Rilke’s wisdom and comparing my own experience with his. 

Rilke’s words read more like a philosopher than a poet, especially as he talks about how and why we should embrace death. For example, Rilke proposes that death is simply part of life, suggesting we should be less afraid for this reason. Moreover, he views grief as a transformational experience, pointing out the way it helps us become more acquainted with who we are and our place in the world. One of its primary messages is that we must welcome grief in order to live a full and meaningful life. Rilke also shares unique and even mystical perspectives on existence, like the idea that all of life is practice in learning to die and that the bereaved should continue the unfinished work of the deceased.

As spring approaches, I realize we have come full circle just as the wheel of life does on repeat. This winter was especially brutal, with frigid temperatures and gloomy days; yet we survived this darkest interval. Both winter and loss feel savage and intense, yet they also help to change us. Like in grief, we feel we must will ourselves through this arduous period, fighting to survive so we can thrive and bask again in the sunshine. As new life emerges, we grow, too, appreciating the warmth and the sprouting of plants around us, and savoring a time when we can once again feel vibrant and serene.